What We Have | Prairie Schooner - Fall 2008

What We Have - Gaynell Gavin

I lost all of my grandparents before my 40th birthday, with my maternal grandfather, the one that I was closest to, dying when I was 16 years old.  Before he died, I went through a phase where I was terribly interested in genealogy.  I expected my grandparents to rattle off full names and birth dates to help me fill in the blanks of my family tree.  Now I know just how difficult and demanding that I must have seemed.  I can hardly remember the names and birthdays of my immediate family's families, let alone my ancestors.

They must have been proud though, that their grandson showed an interest in knowing his family, his roots.  I did all the usual family tree hunting activities, plus I had a cheap tape recorder.  Using this I recorded my grandfather singing and playing a banjo.  Now, of course, I can't find the tape.  I also was given his watch and his lighter after he died.

I could write for hours and hours about my grandparents, but I need to talk about Gaynell Gavin's essay.  With her mother's sister Ellie as a focal point, Dr. Gavin has written a lovely elegy on the lives of those she has lost in the past few years.  Ellie's stories are the very things we long for once we've lost a senior member of our family.  They have a familiarity and a warmth that we take for granted, even tolerate, while living, and mourn and yearn to hear again once they're gone.

Dr. Gavin's essay is almost leisurely in its pacing.  That is as it should be.  We need to savor what we have.

I wish my children would express an interest in their ancestors, so that I can bore them with stories of their great grandparents.  I should probably write about them, for my children and their children, so that when they finally do want to know, they can hear what I have to say, even if I'm not around.

I would love to talk to my grandparents now.

I miss them.